I end up at a party for the establishment of a children's daycare. I hide after everyone leaves along with some others. I recall stabbing a woman in the throat with multiple metal rods used in fireplaces. I remember the feeling of hesitation in my body, like I was spectating myself and expecting to stab her automatically. I made the decision completely of my own volition after realizing I was in control. Piercing her throat felt like digging a butter knife through an apple. I forced three rods into it before she stopped moving altogether. ... Time moves slow. Ride a train. Get away with anything. ... School is going well. Have been sleeping a lot, maybe 14 hours today for instance. Trying not to let worries and regrets get the better of me. Leaning into the whole 蟋ｫ繝・Ξ thing to cope with it. It isn't even that it's in the past, because it's been every week lately I make someone cry in front of me, tears, references to suicide and all. Can it be helped? Maybe. Got a new blouse yesterday and I love it. Gonna wear it tomorrow to the doctor. Frankly, I don't remember why I'm going to the doctor, they just called me and told me to go, so I am. That's all I have going on. I still eat sandwiches and still drink milk all day. I haven't eaten rice in a loooong time. My braces are probably gonna stay in my mouth for a few more months, I dunno. That's kinda it. I'm enjoying myself all things considered. This year has been quite tumultuous so far, and has no reason not to keep being so as long as I'm at the helm.