I asked Alfie to hold me while we lied in bed together. It was the first time we had done something like this. I could feel his heart racing, and after becoming worried suggested we could do this another time. I feel like I dejected him and made him feel bad. I just want him to feel calm with me. I wish I could tell you I love you. Walk along paths of snow north into the mountains besides the highways. Lie down and sleep in class