Today, I will write this.

"I can't give you a sweet word of consolation. I can't say "It's gonna be okay someday." I just hope there will be more active losers like me in the world."

It's been just over two weeks now since I released Maybe Next Year... and the lingering feeling of release is still just so extremely fulfilling after spending close to a month working. I'm so grateful to every last one of the hundreds who have downloaded and played through my projects. It means the world to me!

Today, I'd like to talk a little bit about the development process of Maybe Next Year..., and give some insights into how this project came to life from nothing. Of course, this afterword will include spoilers here and there, so be wary!

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1 - Outline

For all of my work until this point, the development process started from the outline! Throughout the past year, I've taken a strong liking to LibreOffice for writing. While I have issues with the software, such as the difficulty of changing page styles on the fly, it is likable enough. Really though, there are many pieces of software out there, but you don't need anything fancy! For Answer to Dream!!, I largely used Windows Notepad and Joplin to organize my work as I fleshed out my various dreams. Using anything unfamiliar is going to create an unnecessary hurdle. In my case, that even meant working on the script from an existing file. While it isn't the most organized thing to do, it can help with emotions, like a familiar sketchbook, or doodling in the margins of your calculus homework. Simple is often best.

I'm someone who writes everyday, whether that be journaling, or logging dreams, and I often have a lot to work with in terms of ideas that I want to pull from. Maybe Next Year... was inspired in part by a short story I submitted for a writing contest earlier in 2025. To fit the theme of toxic yuri, I wanted to focus on the frustrations of someone who receives nothing but rejection and pity, and how they can lash out at the ones they love the most. I let my delusions take the reins.

Something of important note is that during the scriptwriting process, I didn't have a clear idea of what any individual character would look like. For some, they might find working on character design and locations more important to their brainstorming process than a written outline. Personally speaking though, I feel the most free when I'm in front of a keyboard. 

When working on the outline, I really wanted to include violence within the story. I demanded blood! I considered having someone be killed, and the motivations behind that idea. Would Anna consider killing her art teacher? Well, perhaps, but that doesn't necessarily emphasize her relationship with Tomyris so much as it is her internal struggle, so I crossed that idea out. The story was at first seven chapters, then six, and finally five as I trimmed off the fat and tried to focus on the most important story arcs. For that reason, it can feel that the story is a little rushed. All of the events of Maybe Next Year... occur within the span of a single day, after all. We don't see as much buildup as might be more satisfying.

Internal turmoil is a core aspect of this story. Anna struggles to keep her emotions in check when bombarded with failure, rejection, and pity from all sides, in addition to her lack of mental health support as she is off her meds. Writing about the world inside is very visceral for me, and I find it much easier to write, but I wondered at times whether or not I was giving the relationship enough credit where it was due. I think Tomyris is exceedingly charming, and I don't doubt that I rounded out her character excellently in such a short span of time. This is one of my first few stories involving multiple characters, and while I adore the back-and-forth it provides, I think I still have some space to grow.

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2 - Programming

Programming is my least favorite part of the game development process. While there are many creative and beautiful things you can do with it, such as customizing menus to look fancier, changing the title of the window as you progress through the game, and so on, the process largely feels like a chore. I feel I'm doing no more than actualizing the idea from inside my head onto the page. Depending on how you look at it, maybe it can be considered meditative.

Maybe Next Year... is my second project using Ren'Py. Because of this, I already knew a lot of the ins and outs of how to use the software and get things to look the way that I want to. I carried over a little bit of the style from Answer to Dream!!, such as using NVL, or an 800x600 resolution, since I was already used to both. Just to get things going, I wanted a very simple interface with everything I would need to be able to play and beat the game using the text from an earlier draft. In that way, it was like I was making the game's skeleton.

When I look back at my code for Answer to Dream!!, I'm genuinely disgusted and horrified at the utter lack of organization I had to have to throw labels and scenes around randomly with the most irrelevant names. Just look around at it for yourself if you might be so inclined... Dear... I tried to amend that as much as I could with Maybe Next Year..., and I'd like to think I succeeded. Buttons, scenes, sprites, music, and sound effects are all organized relatively neatly now. It's nice to put things right from the get-go!

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3 - Character Design

Let organization be a lesson not only for programming, but also for drawing! And if that sounds like an odd thing to say, especially considering drawing is at its least just a pencil and paper, I really mean to talk about hotkeys and layers. That's because one of my absolute favorite aspects about drawing digitally is the ease. No longer will your wrists be covered in graphite, your desk with eraser shavings, or your tongue with charcoal! 

Clip Studio Paint is my weapon of choice when it comes to drawing. I first tried it out after some combination of being suggested it by an old friend around 2021, as well as seeing illustrators such as Naoki Saitou use the software in their videos and streams. At this point, I really believe I've spent more time in this program than I have with a real pencil and paper, and I'm just in love. 

There are many methods you can use to optimize your usage of drawing software. One of them is to get your windows situated exactly where you want them. I took inspiration from the manga artist Sumito Oowara's layout from watching his streams regularly. I found the familiarity comforting. Something else I would suggest heavily is to bind and learn your hotkeys! Really! My hotkey setup is inspired by Mentha Nolana.

Layers are something important to think about. When it comes to visual novels, you have to do a lot with a little. The face of a person is the most expressive part of their body, followed by their hands. Because of that, most visual novels change the facial expression of their characters to represent the emotions of any given scene. How do you organize these facial expressions though? One of the easiest ways would be to render out individually a sprite for each emotion. Though, what I find gives me more freedom is to render the individual parts of the face as separate files. That is, the mouth, eyes, brows, and so on. If you choose to render your facial expressions this way, you can expedite and make the process smoother by organizing everything into named layers and folders within CSP, as well as in your files themselves. Just give them a very short filename if you can help it! 

I often like to use references when drawing. I don't know much about the basics of art, proportions, or shadows, but I try my best! I'm entirely self-taught, and have been drawing since as long as I can remember. The artists I primarily admire are Akio Watanabe and Megumi Kouno. While I am a huge fan of the illustrative styles such as Ryuuko Ooishi, three-tone anime style drawings feel much more accessible. I still have a lot to learn.

When designing Anna, I wanted her to have relatively short hair, hoping to try something a little different from Answer to Dream!! I was inspired by characters such as Kino from Kino's Journey, who have such a cool and androgynous look to them! To top off her design, I gave her a simple white collared button-up shirt. I have a serious infatuation with collars, buttons, and suits... I had some hesitations somewhat that this style of presentation might contrast with Anna's anxious personality, or the fact that she has marks from harming herself. I considered whether she would want to hide her face or her wrists from others. It's a lot to consider.

I wanted Tomyris's design to be softer. Her hair is a little longer, and her face is a bit fatter. I went through at least three sketches before landing on something I thought would be appealing. Considering the story of Maybe Next Year... takes place during the summer, I gave Tomyris a showy tank top. Because of how many variations I went through with her design, I thought about having one of them be reserved for Jane, before deciding against the idea. Tomyris's design is partially inspired by Max Caulfield from Life is Strange, a game I played last December with a group of friends.

One of the most noticeable elements of this story's character design is the lack of color, shading, as well as the vague purple outlines surrounding characters along the noisy backgrounds. I was inspired to go with this aesthetic for a few reasons. The first, of course, would be that it would be less time consuming, while also remaining somewhat stylized. The second, is due to an inspiration from the album art from many shoegaze musicians, such as Parannoul, what is your name?, and especially PostmodernHippie.

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4 - Release!

Every game jam has a deadline, and the Toxic Yuri VN Jam is no different. Is everything working? Nothing broken? No crashes? Bugs? Have you playtested? What about on someone else's machine? Do you have enough time to make a PV? Decorate the itch.io page? The process of cleaning everything up and pushing it out for the world to see is extremely stressful, and it had my body shaking like a scared dog. 

The most important thing is that the game itself is complete. Everything else can come later. There is no deadline for the promotion of your project outside of the core zip file itself. Learning and being able to prioritize in that respect is extremely important for getting things done, and moreso, the right things done at the right time. If you have to make compromises, then make them.

The font used in the credits as well as the itch.io page is inspired by that used in promotional material for the movie Mysterious Skin, including that off-kilter kerning. The majority of the photographs and backgrounds used throughout the game and on the itch.io page are photos I've taken myself, or processed images from various movies I watched.

Thank you so much for reading all the way to the end! While everything is still fresh in my mind now, I want to be considerate to my future self who may be wondering how she could have possibly made something like a visual novel from scratch within the span of only a month. I want to drill the hurdles I dragged my feet into throughout this period, and learn from my mistakes so I can grow as a creator. I hope you find this afterword of even some value. 

Let's meet again under the moonlight, shall we?

It seems that our paths cross again... It's been close to a year and a half since we last spoke, and a lot has changed since we first met. People have come. People have gone. Would you say that you've changed for the better as a person? For the worse?

Even when times are difficult, I always try to believe that they're only going to get better. I guess it gives me some fleeting sense of agency to grasp onto.

Version 1.1 of Answer to Dream!! is out! You may be asking yourself what spurred such an update so distant from the original release date? I suppose the answer to that is a little bit of pressure.

All NSFW content has been removed from this project to conform with itch.io's new TOS. For some, you'll have played the game without it already, and won't notice much of a difference. For others, some of the original artistic integrity will be lost, and I'm sorry about that.

You may have noticed many new little buttons and menus in the extras! I've programmed both a music player and a dress-up mode for our heroine. Isn't she just the sweetest? Many customization options were not originally available in the story! Be sure to try them all out!

I've cleaned up some typos and grammar mistakes throughout the story, but I'm sure there are still many lurking about behind the shadows.

This will likely be the final update to Answer to Dream!! as I begin to move onto further projects. Most recently, I released Maybe Next Year..., a story created for the Toxic Yuri VN Jam! I'm extremely proud of it, and have received a lot of encouraging comments.

Thank you so much for everything!

Lastly, I'd like to leave you with a quote from a musician I admire deeply, called Myhairball. They're a Korean artist who was active in the 2000s, and I always find myself coming back to and thinking about this afterword of theirs as I look back on my own work.

"The original goal was to remember my twenties when I get older. It started with the idea of a time capsule; to remember what I used to think about, what kind of sensibilities I had. My original goal was to capture the fading self. (I made music only for myself in the beginning.) However my goal has changed a bit. My recent goal is to have more people listen to my music and agree on my sensibilities and thoughts."

I hope these words mean as much to you as they do to me. And with that, let's meet again under the moonlight, shall we?

My ★♥♥★★,

Hello there! I wasn't sure whether I could muster up the energy to write this letter tonight or not, but I couldn't fall asleep, so here it is. Thank you for your response to my last letter, as well as for divulging some information as to what you've been up to. You're dreams sound just wonderful! I also think it's nice you're watching some motocross videos. I guess it's nice to have a new part of myself to share after so long.

I actually had a similar dream last night. Well, maybe not too similar. You see, there's this individual who I believe to be French who I've interacted with here and there on Bluesky, and I dreamed about them. I dreamed about them as a sort of follower or fan. I would from time to time have dreams like this with some people who have followed and interacted with me a lot in the past as ♥★♥♥★♥♥★♥♥. In this case, I was working on a video with them. You and ♥★♥♥★ were also in the dream. I noticed ♥★♥♥★ had changed his profile picture, and I confronted him immediately, when he confessed that he faked his death.

I also dreamed about biking through the wilderness under the stars. I remember watching a show with ♥★♥, and in the show, the camera panned to a cave with a corpse hanging in it. ♥★♥ didn't want me to see, so he warned me to cover my eyes or look away.

I slept in this morning. I didn't bother waking up until around 10 a.m. or so. When I did, I ate that yogurt I mentioned yesterday--Greek key lime pie. I also ate two slices of that pizza from last night after throwing them in the microwave for a minute, and when I felt they were still tough, another.

I watched A Dog of Flanders on my phone while eating. If you don't know the story or premise of A Dog of Flanders, it's such that Patrasche is a dog which used to belong to a man who sells pots and pans. Patrasche would tug the cart of objects around as the man tried to sell them around town. This man treated Patrasche terribly, always whipping him and never giving him water when he needed it. One day, Patrasche passed out on the side of the road, and the hardware salesman left him for dead. That was when Nello came by, and brought Patrasche home and healed him back to health through days of effort and staying by his side.

When the hardware man caught wind of this, and realized that the dog which was once his was not left for dead, he wanted to take Patrasche back. Nello's grandfather bargained a deal with the hardware salesman to pay for Patrasche month by month and bit by bit with his petty wages. This worked just fine for a period, but that was until this recent string of episodes. Nello's grandfather was late in running into the hardwareman to give him his recent payment. In response, the man went to Nello's house and took Patrasche back by force.

Nello's grandfather tried to mend the misunderstanding, but couldn't find the hardware salesman anywhere. He soon fell ill, and Nello went out into the night looking for Patrasche alone. Patrasche was destitute and in traumatic tatters around the hardewareman, but then he started sniffing. He smelled something! What was it? None other than Nello! He broke free from the rope and ran and ran until reaching Nello! Nello's grandfather has every intention to clear up the misunderstanding, but as things stand, they're living on borrowed time.

I listened to Cortex and played some Animal Crossing in bed. I picked out and downloaded every episode of that podcast which talk about movies in their synopsis and downloaded them. They were all documentaries. Bill Gates, Paris Hilton, South Park. As for Animal Crossdressing, I sold a bunch of fruit and bought an awful lot of turnips to play the stalk market. I organized my flowers by species and paired them up next to differing colors so that I can breed hybrids. I nibbled and sucked on some Nerds here and there as I forced myself to lean up to avoid choking. My face felt dry no matter how much lotion I put on it. My calves were sore from yesterday.

By noon, I was thinking about how I wanted to spend the day. I knew I wanted to go hiking somewhere, but wasn't sure where. I had two main options. The first was nearby, but through a busy and dusty area, and was less popular. The second was quite a distance away up the mountain, but was a bit more popular. So I took a moment and thought about it, then I decided that I would go up the mountain! I felt that I wanted to push myself. I wanted to choose the most difficult option.

I put on my armor, packed my things, and texted ♥★♥ what I was doing in case I got lost and he needed to know generally where I would be. I began off at 2 p.m. I would be doing much of the same route as Friday, though now I'm much more familiar with where to go. I pushed my legs down on the pedals with vigor and made it up to Twin Lakes in only an hour as I went up over a thousand feet higher in elevation. I felt good, sans my back being covered in a cold sweat. I took a quick break to nibble on some ham and cheese in the woods. I would have brought crackers, but I forgot them at home.

There are just so many stunning sights to see in these mountains that I always felt like I was inside a painting, or in Barry Lyndon... Well, no, not inside him, just the movie. I even saw horses! I just love how they smell... There were many others like me in awe of the lakes and such. I smiled at them when I walked my bicycle by and said hello to make sure they felt at ease, especially the dogs! Once or twice when a couple were walking side-by-side along the path and my brakes started squeaking behind them, they became so skittish holding each other that I felt sorry, and said so. I would benefit from a little bell to ring or something. I try to hum and cough and brake as early and as much as I can not to scare people. It's a bit of a chore when they don't hear you for one reason or another.

I found a place to lock my bicycle beside Bridge Mary by 4 p.m. My plan was to start up Crystal Lake Trailhead. I put my backpack on, and tried to follow where the maps and signs indicated I should go... I tried, ★♥♥★★. I tried many, many times, but I kept getting lost in the woods. There was this man in a ski mask with a fishing pole, and there were many couples and families and dogs. I tried to follow one, then I followed the next, but none of them were going where I thought I wanted to go! I kept running out of breath and sitting down on rocks and stumps while looking at Google Maps in confusion.

After an hour, I just gave up on following any specific trail and just started wandering around the forest where my heart told me to go. I found this lake waaaayyy up in the mountains by the name of Lake George that was just stunning! I was there all alone. I was amazed, really. This whole lake for myself. There were benches all over. I took a seat and started munching on a doughnut that I packed. Well, I guess it wasn't all to myself. There was this tiny kid who walked by me with a huge fish in his hands the size of his chest just so nonchalantly.

I really liked this lake, and I saw a patch of snow not too far from where I was, so I started walking around the perimeter to see if I could touch and play with it. There was this river that streamed out and down the mountain that had a makeshift bridge out of a fallen tree, just like every cartoon ever. I balanced along it as I laughed and made it to the other side. There were these flies the size of dust everywhere, and especially where there were plants growing out from the water. The brush became really thick, and I couldn't find a way through. I decided to turn back around.

I felt mostly satisfied with my hiking trip, though a little sad I kept getting lost no matter where I went. It felt somewhat anticlimactic, but I was happy. I was walking and biking through what I had difficulty believing wasn't just a desktop background or something. I wasn't tired, but I knew I was running low on food and water. I started thinking that I wanted to do more exploration of Arizona when I get back with ♥★♥'s bicycle, now that I had it as an option. I'm not sure where I would go. I went back to my bicycle and began down the mountain back to the RV.

I returned by 6:30 p.m., and was just exhausted. ♥★♥ came back from the track shortly after me while I was locking the bicycle up. He said he was going to use it to go to the bar with his friends. He gave me a hat and some t-shirts, and I told him thank you. I washed and lotioned my face, ate some pizza and candy, and lied down in bed while watching A Dog of Flanders.

My thighs now are really itchy. They've been getting fatter and chafing on my pants badly. I'm simultaneously glad, but I also need to get new clothes sometime soon. I should probably shower, but I can't be bothered.

I'm going to bed now, ★♥♥★★. It was nice catching up with you a little. I hope you're enjoying reading my little diary entries as much as I am writing them. It's nice to remember.

Good night,

Emmie

Dearest ★♥♥♥★♥♥★,

Guten Tag! I write this letter to you in much of the same context as my last, though later in the night at 9 p.m. and with ♥★♥ having just gone to sleep. I hope things are going well where you are. I hope you are safe and continue to be fed.

I woke up today at around 6 a.m. I had another nightmare early in the night which caused me to wake up in a panic, but I was able to fall back asleep. The nightmare involved a fight with my family members, I think. I don't recall. I later dreamed about lying in bed with a nondescript man while kissing and holding him.

While yesterday was practice, today would be the first day of ♥★♥'s races, so I decided to go with him to the track. I didn't eat much of anything for breakfast, as I wasn't exactly craving something. I dolled myself up and packed my Switch among other things in my backpack. We packed my bicycle in the truck in case I wanted to leave on my own early.

We drove down to where the track was. You may recall that I discovered its whereabouts yesterday afternoon as I was looking for the location of a certain trailhead. There were a lot more people than when I went though. First, we were to enter through a parking lot and speak with some individuals about paying for a wristband and signing a waiver. This upset ♥★♥ a lot, and he started insulting and criticizing everyone's competence and bureaucracy the moment any conversation ended and he rolled the window up. I know it's cumbersome, but I wish he would just follow procedures...

The thing is, he lied to them, ★♥♥★★, that I had a wristband, when I actually did not. I started getting worried that I would be arrested for trespassing. I don't even know what I signed. ♥★♥ told me that he would get me a wristband at the track, which was not possible. He then told me that he would give me his wristband from yesterday and buy one of his own. I knew he was lying, but I just let him, because I didn't want to cause him issues in his happy place. I dressed modestly and tucked my ponytail into my hat.

The rest of the day was really great though. I actually spent the whole day at the track from about 7:30 a.m. until we returned at 5 p.m. For the first hour or so, I played Animal Crossing and listened to Cortex in the car while ♥★♥ unloaded his things. I kind of wanted to calm down from earlier. Once he was finished, ♥★♥ asked if I had eaten, and I said no, so he showed me around to where I can buy some food. Along the way, we ran into and talked to ♥♥★♥ and some of his other friends sitting half-naked in what looked like a U-Haul moving van.

♥★♥ gave me money to buy some food and sent me off. I walked over and bought some French toast and a bottle of Sprite after staring at the breakfast menu and contemplating, reassuring one person after the next that I wasn't in line. It was still very windy, and also especially cold today, and ♥★♥ warned me not to leave my food unattended or else it might just blow away. So I rested my bottle of Sprite and the edge of my backpack down on the plate, then walked over to grab some syrup. I couldn't find the syrup though! Nothing was labeled syrup... I walked over to the person who sold me the food, and he said it would be over here. I just went back to my seat and nibbled on the dry French toast for about five minutes, staring at where he directed the syrup was. Eventually it clicked that the syrup was in this unmarked metallic container and to be served with a ladle. Goodness, I thought that was coffee! I don't know! I guess I expected packets or a bottle. A ladle?

The tips of my fingers were freezing as I shoveled the food into my mouth, and I had to put my gloves on partway through. I tried as I could not to get them sticky, and finished eating after around twenty or thirty minutes. I went over to wash my hands at the nearby sink, but nothing came out. I waved my hand in front of the faucet. I looked all over for a lever to pull. I fumbled around for thirty seconds until this kind woman next to me indicated that I needed to press down on a button located underneath the sink with my foot. Oh. I thanked her, and went on with my business.

I met up with ♥★♥ again who was talking with two other friends, a man and a woman. They were friends of ♥★★♥★♥. ♥★♥ told them how much I liked listening to ♥★★♥★♥ yap. Later, we were watching some other races and met with ♥♥♥★♥ ♥★♥♥♥ who was taking photos. Everyone seems to have nicknames here... They mentioned someone named ♥★♥♥ ★♥♥♥. I was nibbling on some Cheetos, and just about got that as my nickname! There was also this Polish guy we talked to, who spoke with a thick accent. I really liked the atmosphere and how sociable everyone was. Every time ♥★♥ finished talking with someone I'd ask him about them and he'd either say he's known them for ten or twenty years, or that he doesn't know them and is just yapping. Everyone just likes riding motorcycles here.

♥★♥'s race came up by around 11 a.m. or so. I helped him by bringing some waters to the starting gate. The thing is, you remember how it's windy, right? That means it's also pretty dusty. To minimize this dust, a lot of workers will just spray water from their hoses all over the place. Well, I was walking along and just got sprayed with mud all over my pants, jacket, face, and everything! Some guy nearby me reacted, but I just pretended it didn't happen and kept walking. I got a chance to look at myself in the reflection of my phone and there were just specks of dirt all over me. I went back to those sinks from earlier and washed off my face and sunglasses. I couldn't hope more would come off.

In motocross, riders line up side by side at the beginning of the race before it starts. Riders themselves generally determine where they want to start based on their results. For this event though, the first race (AKA moto) is chosen by drawing from a bucket full of numbered pucks. ♥★♥ let me draw, and I got 22. We lined up. I held his water and gave it to him when he was thirsty. I also stomped on the dirt in front of where he was starting to flatten it out. When things were about to start, I took the water and ran around to the other side of the track, and watched him go! He raced for about twenty minutes before the white then checkered flag flew out. ♥★♥ placed 15th out of 30-something racers in his division in both the first and second moto, putting him at 13th overall for the day. To get a trophy (AKA a bear) he needs to place 10th. He'll be going back tomorrow to try for that. We ate burgers and fries.

We came back from the track by around 5 p.m. We both showered, then went to get some pizza at Giovanni's. ♥★♥ kept making racist jokes about the large Indian family and various other foreigners needing to be shipped back home while we waited for our order. We brought it back to the trailer. I ate about five slices and watched A Dog of Flanders. When I was done with the pizza, I sucked on some Nerds. ♥★♥ and I watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I'm getting tired, so I'll leave things at that. One last thing I'll mention is that ♥★♥ decided we would stay an extra day since his races run a little late tomorrow, so I won't be back until Monday evening for me, or sometime Tuesday for you. Tomorrow I'm gonna sleep in, eat some yogurt, and find a trail to hike up. Variety is the spice, etc. See you soon, ★♥♥★★!

With care,

Emmeline

Dearest ★♥♥★★,

Thank you so much for the quick reply! It's nice to see that you're doing lots of programming stuff again. I guess it's just one of those things we do, where we have obsessions, needs, and wants that we indulge in for a few weeks or months, before it cools off and you rotate them. I think your site and your SNS profiles are great! I hope you keep it up. I'll be looking at the little graph on your GitHub from time to time...

Right now it's about 7:30 p.m. I just got out from the shower, and I'm writing you this letter while lying on my back in bed with a towel over my pillow, my keyboard in my lap, and my phone gently squished between my thighs in the cubby of the dog-patterned blankets over me. Oh, and Flick is sitting right in my bosom! Bosom means your chest, right? I don't recall... ♥★♥ is below me watching some comedy involving the woman who voiced Mabel in Gravity Falls. I'm on this sorta bunk.

I woke up in the middle of the night here and there around 2 a.m. when I read your message. I thought about getting up early to brush my teeth and maybe look at the stars, but didn't want to wake ♥★♥ or screw my sleep schedule up. I napped some more and got up again at about 5 a.m. I dreamed that I was hanging out with Tristan, and he introduced me to Stummie, among other things. ♥★♥ was already below me making scrambled eggs, and I asked if he could make me some too. He finished them, then handed them up to me to eat. I ate a little, then realized I wanted some pepper to put on, so climbed down the ladder and grabbed some real quick, as well as a little bit of cranberry juice, before continuing to eat. Well, not before banging my head on the bunk accidentally. I'm okay though!

♥★♥ left shortly thereafter, and I began to get ready for the day. I listened to some Cortex, and in particular one of their book club episodes. I brushed and flossed my teeth, lotioned and sunscreened my face, then changed my clothes. Today was supposed to be colder than yesterday, so I dressed in preparation of that with two jackets, my trusty chullo, and those damn grey pants that are starting to irk me. It's just my knees, ★♥♥★★! They may be the most insulating thing I brought along with me, but I'm really contemplating just layering two pairs of pajama pants over one another. I'm not sure... I packed a lunch of a sandwich, some Cheetos, a doughnut, and a cookie, strapped my things together, then headed out the door by 7 a.m.

Something I don't think I properly noted is that the bicycle that I'm using is not the one I usually use, but ♥★♥'s. The reason he brought it instead of my own is because it is an electric bicycle. That means a few things. For one, it has a battery which, when charged, allows the bicycle to go slightly faster than normal as long as you are pedaling. This is convenient for hills. Secondly, the bicycle is also very heavy. When going down hills, the weight ends up causing you to go faster than you would think. This wouldn't be a big deal, but the brakes are just so ineffective, squeaky, and doubtful. In comparison, ♥♥★♥'s bike might as well be a motorcycle. It has a throttle, and you don't even need to pedal. It just has pedals.

Yesterday during my two-odd hour trip, I rode about eight miles and made it the ski resort before getting lost. Today I planned to make my way up the mountain to Twin Lakes. I noticed quickly that today was significantly windier than yesterday. I checked the weather, and speeds were as high as 20 miles per hour! By the time I made it back up to the ski resort, I had gotten off my bike to take a breather, when the bicycle just fell over and spilled the contents of my backpack everywhere! My glasses case, my food, and my Mentha pin... There was a bus driver sitting there right next to me, and it was taking everything I had not to look in their direction.

I put everything back together and found my way on Google Maps. I traced through a neighborhood between the trees before the bike path appeared again, and I started my immense trek up this mountain... Oh dear, ★♥♥★★, this hill was steep. Not to mention, just a foot to my left the entire way up was a cliffside without as much as a guard rail! The views were beautiful though.

It took me just over two hours to reach from the campsite up here to this group of lakes. I wandered around for a little bit, looking for a place to sit down and eat my food. There were a lot of people with boats. I noticed at the campsite near the lake a seemingly pregnant woman sitting on the ground, being supported by someone else. She seemed to be distressed as she looked at me. I really didn't know if she was pregnant, but she could hardly stand. Maybe she was going into labor or something. We stared at each other as I rode past her, waiting for her to call out to me for help or something, but nothing. Regardless, there didn't seem to be any benches or anything without so many people around, so I rode into the nearby woods and posted up on a fallen tree. My fingers were freezing without my gloves on.

The battery on my bicycle was getting low, and I didn't want to have to lug that thing around without the support of the battery, so I decided I was satisfied and began back down the hill and back to the trailer. You remember how steep this thing is, right? I held as tight as I could the brakes the whole way down. The wind now blew from my back, which while nice, was terrifying considering I wanted to be going as slow as possible.

I made it back to the part of town people actually live, drive, and buy things, and it was awfully dusty. I rode by a golf course and many beautiful and tall wood cabins. From time to time a water bottle or my backpack would fall from the wooden rack on the rear of the bicycle as I bumped along roads and scared away squirrels. I stopped painstakingly each time to pick things up, and often put my hand behind me while riding just to make sure that everything was still there. I took one more break to eat my cookie and doughnut, then made it back by 11 a.m.

I was exhausted. I had just rode fourteen miles, and all I wanted to do was lie down and play Animal Crossing. So, I did! I worked on replacing some of the wooden bridges in my town with brick, scheduled some buildings to be moved into more aesthetically pleasing spots, gathered and sold fruit, among other things. I watched an episode of A Dog of Flanders while nibbling on something here and there.

In the most recent episodes of A Dog of Flanders, Nello has been working as lumberjack hauling wood to make some spare change so he can afford this really nice paper for his drawings. He works day in and day out, even as much as it saddens Alois, until successfully being able to afford it! The first thing he draws is his trusty dog, Patrasche.

♥★♥ returned from the track at around 2 p.m. He was also exhausted by the wind, as well as from some issues he ran into with his bike falling over and the suspension being too loose, or something. He lied down below me and yapped with ♥♥★♥, his other friend ♥★★♥★♥, and ♥★♥ over the phone. I noticed that ♥♥★♥ sounded somewhat like ♥♥★★♥★★♥. He's easygoing and very nice. ♥★★♥★♥ is kind of crazy. He often talks with ♥★♥ about philosophy, books he's reading, and politics. He's kind of like you. I have a feeling I would get along with him, but I'm not sure. ♥★♥ and ♥★♥ talked about work and customers.

I decided I wanted to go out again, since it was still the middle of the day and I thought it would be a waste to spend it all indoors. I looked around on Google Maps for where I haven't been to yet, and I found some trailheads down the road that I thought would have been nice to hike up. It would be a change of pace from my bicycle, I should think.

I donned my gear again and headed out around 4 p.m. I only brought some water with me this time, and planned to return back before long. First, I visited some places I heard about from ♥★★♥★♥ when I was eavesdropping earlier. There was a large park that he mentioned, and I visited in the middle of the forest. There were a few baseball and soccer fields as well as playgrounds. It looked like it was sunken into the ground with all the trees surrounding such a large field. It was like a stadium. Another place he mentioned was this skatepark. It was pretty cool, but I don't really have a skateboard, and I also felt awkward being around people much younger than me.

I started looking for the road that led to the trailhead. First, I tried this very bumpy dirt road, though quickly realized that I had made a terrible mistake. There was actually another road right next to it that I was supposed to be taking, and it was actually paved! This road was very beautiful. There was a museum nearby I considered going to sometime this weekend, and many many people on motorcycles. I rode down the hill, and while it was very pretty, by the time I made it to the trailhead, the amount of people on motorcycles made me think that they were going to outnumber me on the trail.

I wandered around Mammoth some more. I visited ♥★♥'s old high school. It was positioned directly next to its middle and elementary school equivalents. I returned to the RV by 6 p.m. after biking eleven miles. ♥★♥ cooked some potatoes and I nibbled on them after getting out from the shower, so exhausted from the day.

I'm going to head to sleep before long. I might play a little Animal Crossing in bed, and maybe I'll step outside to see what the night sky looks like. I wish you the best, ★♥♥★★.

Sweet dreams,

Emmie

Dearest ★♥♥★★,

Hello! I hope this reaches you well. I begin to write you this letter at around 5 p.m. on Thursday evening. Right now, I'm sitting in the RV across from ♥★♥. While it is somewhat embarrassing to be writing something so intimate to someone I care about right next to a family member, it also reminds me of one of the last times we camped together about five years ago. I had just began reading Little Busters, and was taking great care to maintain my studying. I downloaded the Anki app onto my Avant, and reviewed my cards each day while listening to Omega Rhythm and sipping on a can of soda, keeping such a serious face and hoping not to break the streak.

We departed from Phoenix at around 1 p.m. yesterday, and drove for some time. ♥★♥ decided we would be going through the California route to Mammoth, as the Nevada route, while faster, has fewer signs of civilization and more worse roads. I found this to be preferable, as before we left, ♥★♥ told me a story. Given that she used to live in Mammoth as a highschooler, she would drive this path up the I-395 often with her father when going to and from the beach. On the return trip, her ♥★♥ came up with an acronym for ♥★♥ to know how long it would be to get back called L.I.B.B.Y! Each letter stands for one city along the path: Lone Pine, Independence, Big Pine, Bishop, and then you're home! Pretty interesting, huh?

I played some Animal Crossing in the car while yapping with ♥★♥. It would just be the two of us this trip. We talked about various things like GeoGuessr, and whatever we saw looking out the windows. After a few hours, we stopped at our first rest area along the Colorado River near Blythe to get some gas. Nearby, there's an Indian reservation with a very tall casino just standing there in the middle of the empty desert. I ate a spicy chicken sandwich from Fat Burger.

My phone had a few things on it to watch and listen to. I decided to watch more of Adolescence. There isn't much to see anyway, other than windmills. To give a summary of the premise and first episode, Adolescence is a story about a 13-year-old British boy, Jamie, who is accused and arrested on suspicion of stabbing a female classmate of his, Katie...

My phone had a few things on it to watch and listen to. I decided to watch more of Adolescence. There isn't much to see anyway, other than windmills. To give a summary of the premise and first episode, Adolescence is a story about a 13-year-old British boy, Jamie, who is accused and arrested on suspicion of stabbing a female classmate of his, Katie. The first episode opens on a group of detectives and the police as they bust into Jamie and his parents' house and handcuff him before bringing him back to the station. There are many things going on all at once, and it's all shot in one take. Jamie is introduced to his appropriate adult and taken to the station. There, he is given an attorney who meets with him, and then his parents who followed, and they go over some details. It's all very stressful for everyone, and I find it quite exciting.

The second episode follows the detective as he goes to Jamie's school and questions some of his classmates regarding where the murder weapon might be. In another turn of events, the detective's son is also a student at the school. All of the kids are rambunctious, but there are two key individuals: Ryan and Jade. Ryan is a close friend of Jamie, and Jade is a close friend of Katie. While going around and talking to staff members, Ryan and Jade get in a fight with one another, as Jade pounds on Ryan's face while shouting and blaming Ryan for Katie's death. Afterwards, the detective takes a moment to interview Jade, who is just full of frustration. Then, the detective meets with Ryan in the nurse's office.

The detective and Ryan's conversation was calm and idle. The detective opened up and talked about when he was Ryan's age. Ryan asked whether the detective was popular, and wanted some advice on how to attract girls. The chatted, and eventually Ryan got nervous when questioning veered towards his relationship with Jamie, and he just left into the hallway back to his classroom.

Adolescence is a show that very much takes place in our time today. As the detective tries to figure out a motive, he soon comes to realize how influenced Jamie was by Andrew Tate and pornography. The detective and his son spoke in private, as the son had information he wanted to share with his ♥★♥. He shared Instagram posts which indicated Katie was bullying Jamie, calling him ugly and an incel. The son started explaining the blue pill and red pill before becoming embarrassed and leaving back to class. I found it really funny, and I think it was done well.

The detective felt that he needed to speak to Ryan one last time, so went to his classroom. That was at which point Ryan jumps up onto his desk and out the nearby classroom window, bolting down the street. The detective chased him out from the school until reaching an alleyway, finally grabbing Ryan and asking why he was running. Ryan confessed that the kitchen knife used to murder Katie was his. He thought Jamie would only use it to intimidate Katie. Ryan was arrested on conspiracy to murder.

I watched the first and second episode at home, and was now watching the third episode in the car. While the first two episodes took place days apart from each other, the third was now seven months into incarceration. Ryan's trial had come and gone, and now Jamie was speaking with a psychiatrist assigned to meet with him from time to time, and determine whether he was fit for trial, as well as just to get to know him. There was much less action compared to the last two episodes. The whole thing took place in just about one claustrophobic room. By the time I finished, it was getting late. ♥★♥ and I stopped at a rest stop in Calimesa to sleep.

We woke up at around 5 a.m. I dreamed about sunflowers, puzzle games, and my older brother. I felt lightheaded and like I could sleep much more. ♥★♥ insisted I shower before we leave, so I did. I then made a sandwich and grabbed a doughnut before eating them in the car as we drove off along roads I had never been before. At first, things were quite hilly and grassy, and similar to how much of LA is. I found the views quite pretty. We drove over a narrow mountain range, and the other side was so much unlike the last. It was empty and flat desert for miles, not even cacti. I played some Animal Crossing and watched the last episode of Adolescence.

The fourth and last episode of Adolescence takes place thirteen months after Katie's death, and follows his mother, father, and sister as they eat breakfast, celebrate the father's birthday, and react to having "nonse" written across their van. Frustrations pile up as Jamie's father is reminded wherever he goes about his son from neighbors to Home Depot employees, and he snaps and throws paint all over the parking lot and his van. The family drive home together, and receive a call from Jamie, who wishes his father a happy birthday, before explaining that he thinks he's going to change his plea to guilty. They hang up, and the rest of the episode is somber. They parents blame themselves for raising Jamie the way they did. The reminisce on the way their parents raised them. The consider moving away, though the sister disagrees. Maybe he spent too much time on the computer. Maybe we should have been watching his closer. The father enters Jamie's bedroom, lies on his bed, and bawls. When he's finished, he tucks Jamie's stuffed bear underneath the sheets, and kisses it goodnight. I found the show really great, and I'm grateful to you for putting it on my radar.

We began up the mountains and were no longer separate from the forest. Their peaks were covered with snow. The first town we made it to was Lone Pine. On one side was Mt. Whitney, and the other a large lake. The town was modest and quaint. All of the buildings were made of wood and logs, and there were pine trees all over. There was even a Jersey Mike's across the street from where we got gas, and it just fit in so well to the surrounding architectural senses it was stunning!

Independence and Big Pine were both very small towns, and not too remarkable. Independence's tallest building was a church. Eventually though, we made it to Bishop, which was quite large, and similar in architecture to Lone Pine. The streets were bustling with backpackers, families, bicyclists, and all sorts of people visiting Yosemite! I was starting to think to myself how nice of a place this could be to live. I wondered how good the internet connection was up here.

We drove past a large lake and an airport, before reaching Mammoth. I tell you, I don't think I've been to a more beautiful place on Earth! We found our way into the campsite by around noon, and dropped the ten dollars we owed for using some of its amenities into a small and disregarded wooden box the size of a birdhouse. We parked, and I helped ♥★♥ unload his motorcycle and my bicycle. We met ♥★♥'s friend, ♥♥★♥, who was very nice and told me about the biking paths Mammoth has to offer. I decided to follow his directions and get going then and there.

I started biking. I wasn't sure how cold the weather was going to get, so I kept my pants and a jacket on, though soon realized that I probably could have gotten away with shorts and a t-shirt. I curved along the quiet and paved road between pine trees until they opened up into the most gorgeous view. I felt like I was Heidi. ★♥♥★★, I don't know what to say. I was biking along that path, just looking at the mountains before me, and I just started crying and sniffling underneath my sunglasses. My mind started racing with all sorts of thoughts about ♥★♥, ♥★♥♥★, and everyone. I wish he could see it.

After around half an hour, I met up with ♥★♥ and ♥♥★♥ again. They mentioned that they were going to the place ♥♥★♥ was staying, and I decided to tag along and follow them on my bicycle...

♥★♥ dropped ♥♥★♥ off back at his place before returning from the track to the RV. He made some hotdogs, and I ate two of them while munching on some Cheetos, sipping on some Coke, and watching A Dog of Flanders. I offered to let ♥★♥ watch with me, but he was more enamored with looking out the window and at his phone.

I'm getting really sleepy, and have been writing this letter for about an hour and a half now. I think I'm going to lie in bed, maybe play a little Animal Crossing, then fall asleep. My head is really light. I'm not sure how much of it is from the altitude, lack of sleep, or exhausting myself with all the biking.

I hope things have been going well, ★♥♥★★. I hope you aren't lonely. I wish you well. I'll be home before you know it, okay? Make sure you eat and drink enough, and get enough sunlight.

Good night,

Emmeline